Social-Emotional Learning, Scripture, and Prayer

woman praying

I teach a class about mental health tools for the women at The Well. We talk about thoughts, emotions, and behavior; about balance and self-management. It’s a good class, and I see women putting their tools into practice and coming up with ways to care for themselves and others. 

I’ve noticed that the first step in nearly every recommended tool, strategy, or technique for better mental health is the same: calm down. Whether you are overwhelmed, solving a tricky problem, or changing an old habit, you must first gather your wits, take a drink of water, or count to ten. I find it ironic that the first step is often the hardest one, at least, it is for me! I know I’m not alone, though. Here at The Well, we spend a lot of time working on ways to find and restore calm.

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Here's How You Helped in 2019

We don’t try to make headlines about fighting sex trafficking, but in reality, we do so on a daily basis. In 2019, we saw Thai leaders growing and reaching others more than ever. Women who used to be bargirls, drug dealers, and pimps are now reaching others, counseling them, and sharing their stories with more and more people — thanks to God, and thanks to you.

If you supported us with your prayers, encouragement, or financial gifts, here are a few things you helped to make possible with Servantworks Thailand in 2019.

Continue reading “Here's How You Helped in 2019”

Little Ones

I’m kind of freaking out about a 12-year-old who is actively selling herself, with the help of a 17-year-old. Not only is this girl young, but she looks it to the extreme–baby face, tiny, not yet fully grown.

This girl is not being coerced. She wants love and money. “I hope that if I have sex with someone he will love me,” she told Mook. Recently she needed $10 to buy fake braces for her teeth–a fashion thing here. Her older friend sold her for $33 and gave her $10.

In cases like this my mind is a jumble. The men who think that the fact alone that someone is willing to sell gives them the right to buy. I’ve heard guys like that talk: some tell themselves they are doing her a favor.

Then there are the young men here do group rape for fun. Sorry to have to mention that.

I think about my experience with teens over the years. Once this behavior pattern hits, it has to run its course. Having experienced the hormone-cocktail high that comes with their behavior, however brief in each instance, teen brains direct every resource toward finding it again. Try to help them to safety and they run. Look closely at this little girl’s cute baby face and you see it is starting to harden.

I think about the older girl. She has her own terrible story of abandonment, then abuse. Street-tough survival can be an effective way to cope.

I think of my own helplessness. There isn’t much that a man can do for someone like her besides pray and look for others to help her. Thankfully God is answering that prayer.

And of course I think about Jesus. I wonder how he felt when he first experienced meanness as a boy. He would have seen girls mistreated, and it must have made him angry and sad.

Tear Down the Walls

I find myself weeping during the worship time when I visit visit most churches, especially larger ones in the U.S. I cannot help it. It’s only sadness, not anger or resentment. Everything is so nice: a beautifully decorated hall filled with good-looking people happily singing praise to God along with a tight band, a sweet sound system and mood lighting. But my mind flashes to pictures of women dancing exposed to gawking sex addicts, or waiting on the streets; to men sitting on the ground sharing a bottle, or to children wondering if they are about to get hit or go hungry. Most people in the room look so healthy and capable. I think about how much they could help work like ours. Or I imagine how excited some folks I know would be to visit such a pleasant environment.

These churches are doing great things. They are not being hypocritical. They care for hurting people. But this model of church does not resemble Jesus’ life in the slightest. And as a result, people are left out.

According to John, the New Testament gives us only get a tiny snippet of what Jesus did. So if the goal was to have the Son of Man hang out long enough so a few people could write about him, so then we could get together and listen to someone talk about it, a few weeks would have been enough. But clearly God was after something much more with this incarnation thing. This was not a hit-and-run mission trip.

Currently we are working out how to help a family of 5 kids whose parents abandon them for gambling binges, sometimes for 2 to 3 days. The oldest is 11, the youngest less than one year. We met them through Su, the pimp-turned-preacher that I have been writing so much about. She and has been watching out for the kids when parents are gone, having them sleep in her single-room storefront, along with her husband and 3 kids.

Tonight we went to the family’s one-room apartment, and found the kids more-or-less huddled in a corner. The room was cluttered with clothes, about 2/3 hanging on rails and 1/3 strewn along one wall. A broken riding toy stood on its end. They were trying to console the baby who looked to be having teething discomfort. The oldest, a boy, was sitting/lying against a wall, looking depressed.

I have met the parents but because of their absence have not yet had an opportunity to talk with them at length. I asked Su if she thought this was gambling addiction or foolish thinking, i.e. did they believe they could actually have an income this way. She said she thought it was more foolish thinking. But she said she asked the mom how she felt about leaving her kids like this. “I don’t feel anything,” the mom had said. Later Su said that the dad has at least a couple of beers every night when home. Obviously it’s addiction, plain and simple.

I had given Su some money for their needs, so we left them with Su having them promise to come sleep with her tonight.

It is problems like this that cause problems for big beautiful churches. People like these don’t fit well. They may be too unmanageable to even show up, or when they do they are likely to feel too inferior to return. They will drain far more resources than they bring. They also complicate the message. They don’t cleanly move from a salvation commitment into growth, but instead struggle with repeated relapse and compounding shame. They may be dangerous, pulling others into their hurt.

People have been talking about “church without walls” for decades, and a lot of folks are doing some things to make it happen. In this context with so much hurt and addiction it really is the only way–we just have to keep working on how. But in talking with many in the U.S. it appears that it is needed more and more there as well.

The parents of these kids are supposed to come home on Wednesday. I’ve asked for Su to please arrange for me to talk with them.

Father Forgive Them.

We don’t talk about Jesus enough, specifically about the intensity of how he lived among us; “God With Us” was also “God Was (Just Like) Us”.

I have been writing about Su’s transformation from a lost woman leading others into lostness, to a found woman leading others to Jesus. Only now she has to face the damage that she caused, including Daeng, 17, who has been following in Su’s footsteps, helping young girls get into prostitution.

I have known Daeng for 2 1/2 years. Her story is pitiful: her mom left after she was born. Her dad hired a neighbor family to care for her, but eventually he left too. At 13 Daeng was raped, and had a baby.

With the pregnancy Daeng had lost a year of school. We got her re-enrolled, but she started skipping school and lying. Unfortunately public schools generally don’t follow up absences, and with Judy and I in the U.S. at the time there was no one available to could check on Daeng daily. We had no choice but to let her drop out.

Since then I and others have reached out to Daeng, including trying to bring her into The Well. We contacted her father hoping he could get involved. He came to visit but showed no commitment and finally abandoned Daeng again. So we have had no option but to allow Daeng to live without direction.

It is common for young teens from broken homes here to drop out of school shortly after puberty, often in eighth or ninth grade. Their new hormones bring so much good feeling from peer connection and sexual attraction that these kids become addicted to them. They form social groups that survive on drugs and prostitution.

Substance abuse freezes emotional development, making trying to find a connection with these teens difficult. The natural craving for adult attention is replaced by mistrust of adults who now, they believe, oppose their happiness. Daeng says The Well is boring.

I knew it was likely that Daeng was involving younger girls in prostitution but I didn’t want to think about it. But it was pretty upsetting to find out that she had pimped a 12-year-old. I had just met the girl last Sunday when Su brought her to church. She’s a baby, not even fully developed. “Daeng will need to be arrested,” I had said to a co-worker the day before.

I was thinking this way while riding my motorbike to church, when I heard Jesus’ famous sentence, spoken from the cross: “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.” It was obviously Jesus telling me to forgive Daeng.

Su showed up about three minutes after I arrived with four girls in tow, including both Daeng and the little girl who had just sold herself. Daeng ran up, looking genuinely happy to see me. This was unusual–she normally smiles, gives me a hug and immediately turns away. Today was different. She held eye contact, didn’t turn away to her friends or her phone. I found myself grateful to Jesus‘ reminder to me a few minutes earlier. Seizing the opportunity, I launched into my love-you-so-much-if-you’ll-only-let-us speech, still expecting her eyes to glaze and look away. They held. I kept going. She listened all the way through my no-pain-no-gain speech. Hmmm.

The reason we need to talk about Jesus more is that otherwise we judge people. We all have enough natural fear in us that we will tend towards mistrust. We who claim to follow Jesus, who know good and well that we are saved sinners, no better than any other, still find ways to get down on other sinners. We easily overlook the factors that drove them into their sin.

We cross the street to avoid them. Jesus crossed time and space to find them.

Throughout the teaching time I watched Su sitting next to Daeng, arm around her shoulder, occasionally stroking her hair, glancing at her and smiling like a mother in love with her firstborn. Afterwards, Su reiterated how badly she wants to lead all these girls to Jesus, starting with getting Daeng to join The Well, getting the same opportunity that Su had. We’ll be firm with Daeng about pimping, as we were with Su. “Do that again and we will be happy to involve the police.” But at this point I don’t think it will come to that.

The Tide is Turning.

I just got back from spending some time with Su and Jom in Su’s small storefront home in their building. I wrote about Su’s transformation in this post the other day.

I went to visit because this morning I got a message from Ann, our social service worker, that a twelve-year-old girl had just confessed to Su that she had prostituted herself the night before, and that Daeng, an older teen, had been her agent. This agency system, a common practice among lower-class young women, is called “sending kids”. Ann is knowledge and experienced, and will provide the best possible help for the girl. But I went to visit out of concern for Su.

I had two concerns: First, Daeng got started “sending kids” because Su used to send her. But now Su has clearly shown repentance. How will she handle the guilt of knowing that her misdeeds are causing a ripple effect? Even at her worst, Su wasn’t trying to sell girls that young. My second concern was positive. We had prayed for a breakthrough in this issue for years, and God had handed it to us with Su’s joyful transformation. But we have seen repeatedly a fear, in this type of culture, of standing up for right. Would Su be willing to do that, even if it meant confronting Daeng directly, or going to the police?

She and Jom, a veteran member of The Well who was actually the first to introduce me to Daeng 3 years ago, were sitting together just inside the open door as I drove up on my motorbike. They called to me with excitement . “We were just saying that we needed to talk to Pa Jim!”

Indeed Su was not her usually bubbly self; there was weight in her smile. Yes, she was feeling guilty and responsible. “I keep seeing myself in them,” she said several times. Su herself had started out in business at age 15. But Su was also ready to work on making things right. I had already shown her Psalm 51:10-13: “Create in me a clean heart….Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” Su had already agreed that she would no longer lead kids into evil but to Jesus. Now the rubber was meeting the road.

Su was particularly concerned about 6 girls, as well as Daeng herself. One case was imminent: a girl who apparently had never done it before but was asking to be sent. She isn’t particularly poor, just wants what she thinks will be easy money. Su said she would be willing to take a stand. We talked about how to work with the girls, the parents and the families in the complex. We agreed to pray and wait for Ann to get involved starting tomorrow.

I showed Su 1 Timothy 1:12-17, where Paul famously calls himself “chief sinner”. Jom already had it highlighted in her phone app. I mentioned the opening words of a song, that we sing often: “Your kindness leads me to repentance,” and at Su’s request we sang it together. We prayed about turning Su’s little storefront into a ministry center. She has already begun hosting a team from The Well that reaches out to teens on Friday nights.

You just can’t beat this stuff. It’s why we never want to stop. The gentle, humble, friend of sinners got another friend. And there’s more to come.